


a love like that

by bamboo_astronaut (A_Lesbian_With_Pink_Hair)



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Gen, M/M, Visiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-15
Updated: 2018-03-15
Packaged: 2019-03-31 14:09:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13976754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Lesbian_With_Pink_Hair/pseuds/bamboo_astronaut
Summary: Simon Snow gave up his magic to defeat the Insidious Humdrum. (That's one version of events). The magic goes back to where it came from. And twenty years later, after many happy years with his husband and their daughter, he receives a Visitor. Someone who has loved him his whole life long.





	a love like that

**Author's Note:**

> There was plenty of stuff in the book I could have written about, but this was what came out first. We'll see if I've got anything else in me.

Twenty years go by. Not particularly quickly, and Simon is perfectly happy that way. Twenty years take their time. Twenty long, happy years that he never thought he would ever have.

Five of them they spend in that small two-bedroom in London, with Penelope the next room over, and Baz in his bed more nights than not. They all finish their degrees. They’re all alive. They Skype with Agatha once a week, and Simon is glad that she’s so happy in her new Normal life.

Baz majors in linguistics, with a focus on Ancient Greek and Latin. Penny studies chemistry and neurology, an ambitious double major. Simon takes an extra year of school to decide on environmental science, so he can study the magical atmosphere as it heals. He can’t cast magic anymore, but that doesn’t mean there’s no place for him there.

At the end of those five years, as he begins working with Penny’s father at the healed and healing gaps, Simon begins to feel something inside of him change, like a spark trying to light a fire. And then, one morning when he wakes, spooned behind Baz in his bed, he knows it’s there. And it isn’t the uncontrollable wildfire blaze like before, the sporadic bombs of manic power. It’s just a low, steady flame, weak, but present. Simon suggests making an attempt to finally get rid of his wings and tail, bit Baz won’t hear of it, so they remain as they are.

Eventually, Penny convinced Micah to move to the UK, and the two of them do marry and get their own house. So it’s only right for Simon and Baz to do the same.

The wedding is small. Baz’s parents do not come, but his stepmother sends a gift on their behalf, which Simon is sure is really just from her. Daphne always seemed like a much more thoughtful and open-minded person than Baz’s father. Also, Baz’s younger sister Mordelia comes, and Fiona, and the whole Bunce clan, and Agatha even flies over for the occasion. Penelope is the maid of honor. They eat cake and they dance. It’s wonderful.

Five years after they’ve been married and gainfully employed, ten years after the end of the Insidious Humdrum, Simon and Baz decide they’d like to give parenting a go, since they’ve been really great at being married overall. They still bicker, because it wouldn’t be them if they didn’t, but Baz doesn’t go to sleep wondering about the day Simon Snow will finally kill him, and Simon doesn’t go to sleep thinking about how he’ll likely be dead within the year. Instead they go to sleep together, smiling and touching and holding and whispering, deeply and truly happy.

So, they seek out a magician who’s willing to act as a surrogate for Baz and Simon Snow-Pitch. With Mrs. Wellbelove’s help, they meet a nice young woman in good health, with deep black hair like Baz’s and a kind smile, and with Simon as the biological father, through the use of magickally-boosted IVF, she helps them have a baby daughter. Ebeneza Natasha Snow-Pitch. She has Baz’s hair and Simon’s eyes and she’s perfect.

She grows up along with Penny and Micah’s twins, a boy and a girl, and the three of them get up to all sorts of mischief. Baz goes back and gets his master’s degree. Simon finally learns to cook.

When Ebb is five years old, the magical atmosphere is deemed completely healed, with all the holes completely patched. Baz’s family returns to their manor, and his father invites the three of them over for a very awkward dinner. But Simon thinks it’s only right for Ebb to know the one grandparent she does have, and once he looks down and sees her, Malcolm Grimm is instantly in love, because at the end, he’d always hoped Baz would not be the last Pitch, and one way or another, here she is. He still struggles with Baz being married to a man, but Simon believes that with time maybe he’ll come around. Daphne at least is pleased to meet Ebb and to see Baz, as are his brothers and sisters.

When Ebb is ten, Simon and Baz have a long talk about Watford. It’s a place where they spent a great deal of their lives, filled with bad memories but also good ones. And with Headmistress Bunce still at the helm, they ultimately decide that it’s a safe place now, and a good place for their daughter to grow. Plus now that Penelope is teaching a class there (in her spare time, when she’s not curing diseases and inventing spells and saving the world), they’re sure it’s the best education they could hope for her to get. Ebb is a natural, picking up simple easy spells, and Malcolm and Daphne take her to get a wand made just for her on her birthday.

And then one day as Simon comes home from work and unspells his wings so they’re visible in the comfort of his home, he sees Baz already home and helping Ebb with her homework at their kitchen table and he feels his heart skip a beat as he realizes he never believed he would survive this long, or that he would be this happy.

“Papa!” Ebb calls when she hears the door, and she jumps up from the table and jumps into Simon’s arms. He catches her, spins her around, and puts her down again. She’s getting so big, he thinks, so tall and so strong. Simon washes up and makes them dinner, and Baz comes up behind him to press a kiss against the back of his neck while he cooks. Twenty years together and it still feels new every time.

“I love you,” Simon says, turning his head enough to look at his husband. Baz just smiles at him, mostly sweet but never entirely, and Simon knows exactly what he means.

Simon has all but forgotten about the night Natasha Grimm-Pitch came through the Veil, and it’s only a text from Penelope that reminds him that Visitings will be starting soon, just as they did all those years ago.

That night, long after Simon gets Ebb washed up and tucked in, and Baz reads her a story from her favorite book, they fall asleep together like they do every night. Simon always sleeps in his boxers, and Baz likes to leech off of his body heat, which Simon always has and always will radiate like a furnace. Simon doesn’t mind, has never minded. He loves to be close to Baz any way he can, greedy for affection after a childhood spent mostly in group children’s homes. He’s a very tactile person, and Baz wouldn’t call himself such, but after years of longing, he would say Simon is the very obvious exception.

“ _My rosebud boy,”_ a woman’s voice says softly in the silent room, and Simon’s eyes pop open. It's the middle of the night. Baz doesn’t rouse from his slumber, just groans softly and pushes his face into the pillow.

“…Natasha? Is that you?” Simon whispers. He and Baz had wondered if she would appear again as she did all those years ago.

 _“No…_ ”

Simon looks around for the source of the voice, but he still only hears it. Then from the doorway, a soft glow, light, a woman, and she definitely isn’t Natasha. She looks to be about 30, maybe a little younger, with long hair pulled back into a plait, and a peaceful smile, and gentle eyes.

“Who are you?” he asks, and she smiles.

 _“Simon Snow,”_ she says, ignoring his question. “ _My rosebud boy. My sweetheart.”_

“Excuse me?”

_“When you grew inside me, beneath my heart, I knew what you would be when you were born. So powerful. So lost. I knew what Davy would do when I was gone, but I still loved him. I hope you can forgive me for that.”_

Simon waits, watching her with wide eyes.

_“I did love him, but… he caused you such pain. Everyone, so much pain, all for want of power and prophecy. I’m so proud of you, Simon. You’re here. You have love. A child. A family. I never cared about creating the Greatest Mage. It didn't matter to me if you were Chosen or not. I was just so happy to have you, my son.”_

Simon feels all the air leave his lungs, and he can’t look away from this spectral woman. His mother.

“You’re…”

“ _My name is Lucy Salisbury, my darling. I tried to come to you before, last time the Veil was thin enough, but…”_ She frowns. _“The power inside you came first from me. And… and there wasn’t enough left of me after you were born. You couldn’t even hear my voice, my poor sweet boy.”_

“No,” he says, voice catching in his throat. “I. Lucy. Mother. I heard you. I did hear you, back then. I thought you were someone else, but I heard you call me.”

She looks so happy, the light inside her glows a little brighter. _“You returned the power that wasn’t yours, and some of it came back to me,”_ Lucy says. _“So I am here. To thank you. To tell you that I love you. I know you spent so much of your life thinking no one did, but even though we could not be together… I have loved you since before you were born, Simon Snow. And I always, always will. My rosebud boy. You’re a man now, though, aren’t you? I was so afraid that… that you never would be.”_

“Mum,” he says, tears spilling over his eyes, his husband sleeping soundly beside him, a source of warmth and strength. “I… I thought I wouldn’t be either. I was so afraid, for such a long time.”

 _“Oh, sweetheart,”_ she murmurs, coming closer. There is no warmth from her non-corporeal form, but there is a gentle glow, and that’s enough. “ _I know you were afraid. But I see…”_ She glances over at Baz, still asleep. _“I see you weren’t alone.”_

“Did you… did you see her? Ebb? Your granddaughter. I never told her, I, I didn’t know, I’m sorry…”

_“I saw her. But don’t apologize. It isn’t your fault, Simon. I am not angry. I don’t blame you, I never have, not for a moment. I didn’t come here because I was angry. I just came because I love you so very much. And all I want is for you to know it.”_

“I… do. I know it. I will,” Simon sniffles. “I’ll remember. Uh… wait, please…” He turns to Baz at last, shaking his shoulder gently. His husband wakes with a groan, hand reaching for his wand instinctively, but Simon catches it and presses a kiss against his knuckles.

“Baz,” he says softly. “I want you to meet someone.”

Baz blinks slowly as he glances at Simon, and then over at Lucy.

“Who…?” he asks, still half asleep.

“This is Lucy,” Simon tells him. “My… my mother.”

“Your… oh!” Baz shakes the sleep off and sits up, a little embarrassed. “Um. Hello. Ma’am.”

Simon snorts, and Baz elbows him.

“Ma’am,” he teases.

“Shut up,” Baz answers. Lucy laughs, like bells, light and pleasant.

“ _Thank you. Baz, was it? For being here with him. For loving him. For making a life with him.”_

“I, well. That’s… of course. It’s… this is all I ever wanted,” he admits. “From the moment I met him.”

Lucy beams. “ _I can’t stay any longer, my darling. But I’m so, so proud of you. And I love you so much.”_

“I… I love you too,” Simon tells her. He doesn’t know the first thing about her, but his heart is pounding and her hair curls the exact same way as his own, and this is the woman who brought him into the world, who gave him the chance to be born, to have a life, to have this life.

_“Goodbye, my rosebud boy.”_

She reaches for his hand, and for a brief moment, he feels the full weight of her warm, soft grip, the texture of her skin, and how much Lucy loved and wanted her baby all those years ago. And he squeezes back, and she smiles, and then she’s gone.

As her light fades from the room, and the inky blackness of night creeps back in, Simon sits with his hand outstretched, staring at where his mother’s hand had been just moments ago. He turns his palm up to stare at it in the dark, as if her touch had made some change to his skin, but of course it hadn’t. It’s just his own hand, his own skin, his own self, unchanged.

And then, as he stares at his upturned palm and draws it back against his chest, he feels himself begin to cry, unbidden, and his shoulders begin to shake, until he is sobbing uncontrollably, and Baz makes a soft sound in his throat as he sits up and draws Simon into an embrace.

“Shh, it’s all right,” Baz murmurs softly, one hand stroking soothingly through Simon’s curls. “I’ve got you, love.”

He holds Simon until his tears run dry, and then after, when Simon settles and wraps himself around Baz like a large warm blanket.

“I heard her,” Simon finally whispers. “When we were teenagers. I had thought…  I thought she was Natasha again. Her voice was so distant and weak. She couldn’t even… I took everything from her, absolutely everything. Her magic. Her life. And she still…”

“She loves you,” Baz says. “She’s always loved you. How could she not?”

“I… I don’t… I never thought about it, not ever. I should have known. If my old magic was sucking the life out of the atmosphere itself… of course I would have started by sucking the life out of my mother.”

“Well, now, if we’re going to talk about sucking the life out of someone… you have come to the right place,” Baz teases, and Simon huffs a laugh against his skin. “But you saw her. And heard her. She wanted you even when she knew what would happen to her. She’s your _mother,_ Simon.”

“Crowley,” Simon gasps, fighting back more tears. “I took so much from her but she still came back to see me.”

Baz is quiet for a moment, and then he says, “Do you remember how long it took for us to find a surrogate for Ebb?”

“You know I do.”

“How important it was that we find the right person. We spent so much time, and effort, and money to bring her into this world. In-vitro isn’t cheap, after all. For so long I thought we’d never get it right. We talked about our options. We argued. We disagreed. But then… there she was,” Baz says. “Our little girl. Do you remember what that felt like? Holding her for the first time, her little pink face, her eyes still unopened?”

Simon nods slightly.

“I thought, in that moment, that I would have done it all again, even if it had been three times as difficult. Even if it had been a hundred times as difficult. So… if that’s how we felt when Ebb was born… don’t you think that must have been how Lucy felt to see you?”

Simon doesn’t answer; he’s holding his breath, and Baz resumes stroking his hair.

“You were wanted, Simon, from the moment you were born,” he whispers. “And you’ve never been alone.”

The door to their bedroom creaks open then, and Ebb stands in the doorway in her little blue nightgown, clutching a stuffed animal to her chest.

“What is it, darling?” Baz asks as he looks over at her.

“There was a lady,” she says. “In my room.”

“Was there?”

“Yes. She was very pretty. She said she’s my grandmum.”

Ebb walks across the room and climbs up onto the bed. Simon pulls back from Baz and wipes his face on the back of his hand and then draws his daughter over so she’s sitting between him and Baz.

“She’s my mum,” Simon tells her. Ebb smiles.

“We should get a picture of her. Does she live nearby?”

“Honey, your grandmum… she isn’t alive anymore. She just came to visit us for a bit.”

“Oh.” Her face falls, and then she brightens again. “Can she come visit again?”

“Someday, maybe,” Baz says. “When you’re a grown-up.”

“That would be nice,” Ebb says. “Don’t you think so, Dad?”

“I do,” Baz replies.

“Papa?”

Simon smiles at his daughter, and at his husband. “Yes, Ebb. I think that would be lovely.”

There’s so many things about his child’s life that Simon cannot predict as she sits between them. She’s ten years old, nearly eleven, and soon she will begin her magickal education at Watford. Soon, they’ll pack her bags and drive her to the school where everything began.

He doesn’t know what she’ll like best when she studies. Or what clubs she’ll join. What kind of friend she’ll make. What kind of roommate she’ll get stuck with.

But he does know that he had a mother named Lucy Salisbury and she loved him. She wanted him. She was so, so happy to see him when he was born. And he knows he feels the exact same way about Ebb.

There's so many people in his life that he loves who also love him. Ebb, Penelope, Agatha, Micah, the Bunces. Baz. The love of his life, his partner, his husband, through the strangest twist of fate imaginable.

Lucy loved and wanted Simon since before he was born. Loved him as he slumbered inside her, loved him even as he slowly drained her of everything. Loved him for everything he was, everything he might be. Loves him even now. And even if you don't know it's there, a love like that can never really leave you. It never did.

And now, Simon thinks, it never will.

 


End file.
